it's math remedial when i'm typing this.
too relax cause i finished my tests already
teacher doesn't mind so i'm here
happily blogging
with nice air cond~
angelo and keith sitting both side
and i saw Angelo blogging
kinda motivating?
so yeah
having fun
received my present from my mum earlier
really happy for it
best present ever~
haha
i;m too materialistic~
nothing much to write lar~
26 March 2013
22 March 2013
Super Junior
i'm so into SJ now. they are so handsome. so damn handsome. RyeoWook, SungMin and KyuHyun just melt my heart into water man. they are just so attractive. i know it's really outdated to only like them now. well, i liked SJ-M first before SJ so yeah. Songs that i currently addicted to: Perfection, BreakDown, Bonamana... and others. i know that addicted to these songs now are really so so outdated. but no choice.
here's the story. when i first addicted to Kpop, i only like girls [i'm not les, don't worry], the first group i like was Girls' Generation and my favorite is Tiffany. it has been three years and my bias hasn't change. yes, the rank below her will definitely change but her place is secured^^ i don't like guys singer, actor, or group. i don't know why. my sister will so crazy over Super Junior when she was introduced to Kpop. she did try to influence me. my cousin - the one who brought me in - tried to influenced me too but i was just - not interested in guys. NOT UNTIL I KNOW MBLAQ. G.O AND LEEJOON!!!! their are so dmn handsome too!!!
after watching their hello baby, i watched their other variety shows. after much consideration, i watched YongHwa and SeoHyun's We Got Married. i started to like CNBlue. then through Dream Team, i saw MinHo and realized SHINee was special too. in We Got Married series, i watched KhunToria's one. i kinda like 2PM after TaeCyeon in Family Outing and WooYoung in Dream High 1. JoKwon in Family Outing 2 brought me to 2AM too but not that addictive [sorry].
i watched BreakDown's mv because when my sis showed me their pictures on magazines and newspaper, i wanted to choose find one handsome one. i think the one i choose was RyeoWook and i remembered his name forever~ whenever people asked me about SJ, i would shout "i know! RyeoWook is handsome!" after knowing that another one that i like, SungMin and RW are both in SJ-M, so i decided to watch the mv.
everything started. i was so into them man. KyuHyun, DongHae, almost everyone except for SiWon. sorry once again cause you are really not to my liking. i don't hate you. it's just that i like the others more~
share the link here. anybody interested? or want to know how handsome they are? feel free to click the link~ jealous? don't watch =P
*BY THE WAY RYEOWOOK IN BONAMANA LIVE PERFORMANCE SO SEXY!! AHHH <3 can="" fight="" leejoon="" lol="P</p" with="">
16 March 2013
天天少女時代 Soshi 4 Y'all: SNSD: We Got 9 Funniest Girls :D
天天少女時代 Soshi 4 Y'all: SNSD: We Got 9 Funniest Girls :D: This vid mostly contains their IGAB moments hence the title and bgm. Enjoy! cr: tuckkiez
i thought that this has no eng subs
when i saw this video on youtube long ago
but as i revisit this blog again
i feel like watching
and i watched
it is damn funny
haha
i thought that this has no eng subs
when i saw this video on youtube long ago
but as i revisit this blog again
i feel like watching
and i watched
it is damn funny
haha
Fany's Sweet Smile
天天少女時代 Soshi 4 Y'all: Fany's Sweet Smile
found this when i revisit the blog
she is also damn cute!
cuter than Sheng Yang's sis~
haha =P
found this when i revisit the blog
she is also damn cute!
cuter than Sheng Yang's sis~
haha =P
MPS
Today have too many things to blog about, so i decided to use the paragraph style that Sheng Yang always use. It's Meet Parents Session today. My mum said she don't want to listen to the briefing, some more she can only take half day leave, so i asked Ms Cheong about it. Surprisingly, she gave the green light. My mum arrived at 3:45pm because she drove in. i didn't know that she was driving in and i didn't know that my sis was following. Haha when i see her, i was shocked.
Overall, the comments that Ms Cheong gave was out of my expectation. She said i paid attention during lessons and showed keen interest in study. Haha. Really meh? Hardworking and have leadership qualities. Well, the comments from other teachers weren't too bad also. The only error Ms Cheong picked out from me was that i wasn't respectful everytime. I should change this then. After all, i'm not a perfect person. Hope my mother is happy and satisfied with my results because i didn't fail any subject and i even surpass the two target that teacher set for me. I'm not really satisfied because i'm very sure that i can do way much better than this. I'm gonna work harder for the next test, and give my best for O-level.
Today's English period was changed to library period. I followed Ling Shan and i saw a rack with all the post-secondary education's information. I took the booklets on science courses and start reading through. I really read and think through but i just cannot decide on which one to take. Another important decision to make because i cannot change course half way. I don't want to experience the history again. I guess after some time i will realized, with help and guidance along the way. I also realized that we can have up to 12 choices of poly courses. Once again, headache.
Before the MPS, i have two hours and forty five minutes of free time. I wanted to go to Popular to buy a new hole puncher because somebody broke mine. I'm kinda sad at first but think of it later, it's not a bad thing after all. Actually i had been eyeing on a set of blue hole puncher + small stapler + sharpener + bullet. All blue! I was elated and i told myself this hole puncher spoiled in a correct time~ I asked Yuxuan and Germaine first, but then later they want to go for karaoke session at Marsiling CC. I knew we don't have so much time for all this so in the end i told them i don't want to go. I asked Ling Shan and Sheng Yang to follow me after that. They both agreed haha. Five minutes later, they said they don't want to go too. I wasn't informed about that and i saw Sheng Yang pointed at me and said "Oh, i'm going to CauseWay Point with Agnes". So it started.
I asked Angelo to come also because just me, Ling Shan and Sheng Yang will be awkward. After that he asked whether Keith can tag along, i said okay since we are just having lunch and buy stuffs. When we walked out of the school, Ling Shan hesitated. She said she had things to do in school and asked for 5 minutes. I said i cannot and she was taking a long time to decide. In the end, she came with us. When we reached the bus stop and i knew that she wasn't happy about it. I asked her again and she decided to go back to school and she went back. We are left with four people.
When we reached CWP, we went to popular first. I was really lucky because that series of set only left with one colour [which is blue!] and there's only one box. i quickly took it and paid for it. I was extremely happy~ Then we went to LJS for lunch. That was when i knew Angelo and Sheng Yang were the first time there. haha i brought them there~ After lunch i remembered we still have one hour and fifteen minutes so Angelo suggested we walk back to school. I was kinda surprised but three of them were serious. No choice but to follow. Sheng Yang offered to carry my bag. The whole journey took about fifty minutes and there was strong sunlight on me few minutes in between. But it was fun. We talked and laughed. We scared the bird away~
I reached school and my mother hasn't reach yet. We move back to class and waited until half of the parents of my classmate reached. We were commenting about their parents on the floor - how they look alike. Something like that. My mother came quite late but she just need to listen to twenty percent of the briefing only~ Since there were three teachers, reaching 13 wasn't difficult. I wanted my mother to meet Ms Cheong because she interact with us the most and she knows us the best compared to Ms Ng and Mr Chong. [no offense yal!] During the waiting time, i chatted with YuXuan, Germaine, Keith, JianYan, Kevan and Sheng Yang. YuXuan left earlier because her parents not coming. JianYan, Kevan, Keith's parents came shortly after that. Germaine's too. But we still hang out together before it reached mine. OH, and i saw Sheng Yang's sister!! SHE IS SO DAMN CUTE THAT YOU CAN JUST KILL ME!!!!! How can Sheng Yang has a cute sister by herself? He should share! Haha jkjk. She waved back to me when i was leaving~ so cuteeeeee =) Haiz should have stayed longer because Angelo and Germaine had such a fun time with her after that....=(
Well, these somehow wraps my day. I saved this as draft yesterday and finished it today as it is too long to be completed. The first time i write in paragraph. This is a good way to organized my thought and a neat one if i want to note down the events of the day. I can practice my grammar this way too! But i think i will stick to my old way if i'm venting my anger here~
Overall, the comments that Ms Cheong gave was out of my expectation. She said i paid attention during lessons and showed keen interest in study. Haha. Really meh? Hardworking and have leadership qualities. Well, the comments from other teachers weren't too bad also. The only error Ms Cheong picked out from me was that i wasn't respectful everytime. I should change this then. After all, i'm not a perfect person. Hope my mother is happy and satisfied with my results because i didn't fail any subject and i even surpass the two target that teacher set for me. I'm not really satisfied because i'm very sure that i can do way much better than this. I'm gonna work harder for the next test, and give my best for O-level.
Today's English period was changed to library period. I followed Ling Shan and i saw a rack with all the post-secondary education's information. I took the booklets on science courses and start reading through. I really read and think through but i just cannot decide on which one to take. Another important decision to make because i cannot change course half way. I don't want to experience the history again. I guess after some time i will realized, with help and guidance along the way. I also realized that we can have up to 12 choices of poly courses. Once again, headache.
Before the MPS, i have two hours and forty five minutes of free time. I wanted to go to Popular to buy a new hole puncher because somebody broke mine. I'm kinda sad at first but think of it later, it's not a bad thing after all. Actually i had been eyeing on a set of blue hole puncher + small stapler + sharpener + bullet. All blue! I was elated and i told myself this hole puncher spoiled in a correct time~ I asked Yuxuan and Germaine first, but then later they want to go for karaoke session at Marsiling CC. I knew we don't have so much time for all this so in the end i told them i don't want to go. I asked Ling Shan and Sheng Yang to follow me after that. They both agreed haha. Five minutes later, they said they don't want to go too. I wasn't informed about that and i saw Sheng Yang pointed at me and said "Oh, i'm going to CauseWay Point with Agnes". So it started.
I asked Angelo to come also because just me, Ling Shan and Sheng Yang will be awkward. After that he asked whether Keith can tag along, i said okay since we are just having lunch and buy stuffs. When we walked out of the school, Ling Shan hesitated. She said she had things to do in school and asked for 5 minutes. I said i cannot and she was taking a long time to decide. In the end, she came with us. When we reached the bus stop and i knew that she wasn't happy about it. I asked her again and she decided to go back to school and she went back. We are left with four people.
When we reached CWP, we went to popular first. I was really lucky because that series of set only left with one colour [which is blue!] and there's only one box. i quickly took it and paid for it. I was extremely happy~ Then we went to LJS for lunch. That was when i knew Angelo and Sheng Yang were the first time there. haha i brought them there~ After lunch i remembered we still have one hour and fifteen minutes so Angelo suggested we walk back to school. I was kinda surprised but three of them were serious. No choice but to follow. Sheng Yang offered to carry my bag. The whole journey took about fifty minutes and there was strong sunlight on me few minutes in between. But it was fun. We talked and laughed. We scared the bird away~
I reached school and my mother hasn't reach yet. We move back to class and waited until half of the parents of my classmate reached. We were commenting about their parents on the floor - how they look alike. Something like that. My mother came quite late but she just need to listen to twenty percent of the briefing only~ Since there were three teachers, reaching 13 wasn't difficult. I wanted my mother to meet Ms Cheong because she interact with us the most and she knows us the best compared to Ms Ng and Mr Chong. [no offense yal!] During the waiting time, i chatted with YuXuan, Germaine, Keith, JianYan, Kevan and Sheng Yang. YuXuan left earlier because her parents not coming. JianYan, Kevan, Keith's parents came shortly after that. Germaine's too. But we still hang out together before it reached mine. OH, and i saw Sheng Yang's sister!! SHE IS SO DAMN CUTE THAT YOU CAN JUST KILL ME!!!!! How can Sheng Yang has a cute sister by herself? He should share! Haha jkjk. She waved back to me when i was leaving~ so cuteeeeee =) Haiz should have stayed longer because Angelo and Germaine had such a fun time with her after that....=(
Well, these somehow wraps my day. I saved this as draft yesterday and finished it today as it is too long to be completed. The first time i write in paragraph. This is a good way to organized my thought and a neat one if i want to note down the events of the day. I can practice my grammar this way too! But i think i will stick to my old way if i'm venting my anger here~
13 March 2013
cry till die
i know i'm going to be sad if i keep it in
i know i'm going to cry myself to sleep
i know nobody will care the next morning
i know i will have to put up fake smile for hours the next day
i know i'm really tired of this routine
bit once again what can i do.
i want to cry
like cry out everything
i hate the feeling when i need a cry
and no tears ever come up
i can trust nobody now
stop hypnotizing me
i don't want to injure myself again
don't ask me to speak to someone
do you think i don't want to?
how many times have delete everything i have typed?
i don't know how to express my situation currently
dear friends, if i appeared cold or whatever
im not angry
i just hurt
im just sick and tired of everything.
please understand.
i know i'm going to cry myself to sleep
i know nobody will care the next morning
i know i will have to put up fake smile for hours the next day
i know i'm really tired of this routine
bit once again what can i do.
i want to cry
like cry out everything
i hate the feeling when i need a cry
and no tears ever come up
i can trust nobody now
stop hypnotizing me
i don't want to injure myself again
don't ask me to speak to someone
do you think i don't want to?
how many times have delete everything i have typed?
i don't know how to express my situation currently
dear friends, if i appeared cold or whatever
im not angry
i just hurt
im just sick and tired of everything.
please understand.
12 March 2013
not good at all.
i have to finish eng homework after this
besides shengyang requesting
i want to blog also.
i was called nerd for no reason
and i don't even have the rights to br angry??!
you jealous ar?!
you will scold back
okay you're good
i don't like it and i can't scold back
i can't even show my temper?!
this is really ridiculous
i'm being called stupid for a long time.
i know they are just fooling around
but after so long time
i start to wonder
yes i'm stupid
why do i even bother to talk to you all?
why do i even bother to hide my sadness and laugh with you guys?
why do i even bother to act blur and pretend nothing happened?
cant you all see i'm putting in effort?
to join you guys?
now i'm tired of trying
it's okay if you don't appreciate my effort
talk to them only
I'M TOTALLY FINE WITH IT!
now i'm trying to hypnotize myself
that i'm okay
ignore me allyou want
i just mingle with ppl that understand me
after all it's sincerity that means the most
right?!
oh really thanks Eunice for taking the effort to take the pics from her tb
REALLY THANKS A LOT =)
besides shengyang requesting
i want to blog also.
i was called nerd for no reason
and i don't even have the rights to br angry??!
you jealous ar?!
you will scold back
okay you're good
i don't like it and i can't scold back
i can't even show my temper?!
this is really ridiculous
i'm being called stupid for a long time.
i know they are just fooling around
but after so long time
i start to wonder
yes i'm stupid
why do i even bother to talk to you all?
why do i even bother to hide my sadness and laugh with you guys?
why do i even bother to act blur and pretend nothing happened?
cant you all see i'm putting in effort?
to join you guys?
now i'm tired of trying
it's okay if you don't appreciate my effort
talk to them only
I'M TOTALLY FINE WITH IT!
now i'm trying to hypnotize myself
that i'm okay
ignore me allyou want
i just mingle with ppl that understand me
after all it's sincerity that means the most
right?!
oh really thanks Eunice for taking the effort to take the pics from her tb
REALLY THANKS A LOT =)
10 March 2013
bored.
today is kinda bored.
after work i've been home
playing games and watch kpop show
i got work to do
but i'm damn sleepy and lazy to do
the weather today also damn hot
like can die of dehydration
after the sudden heavy rain that follow
i finally get it
well im kinda refreshed after that
sang with my sis
help my mum a lil' housework
read book
pack bag
eat dinner
iron uniform
haha
yeah thats what i do after the rain.
oh yeah the road behind my house flooded due to the rain
a photo of it
after work i've been home
playing games and watch kpop show
i got work to do
but i'm damn sleepy and lazy to do
the weather today also damn hot
like can die of dehydration
after the sudden heavy rain that follow
i finally get it
well im kinda refreshed after that
sang with my sis
help my mum a lil' housework
read book
pack bag
eat dinner
iron uniform
haha
yeah thats what i do after the rain.
oh yeah the road behind my house flooded due to the rain
a photo of it
09 March 2013
thanks guys!
went for my injection appointment yesterday.
the reward is that i can skip school.
but the price to pay is way too heavy.
well i had get over it.
i had two weeks of mental preparation
just as i thought i was fully prepared
no more fear
but when the nurse asked me to sit on that particular seat
all my fear and worry came out again.
my aunt and her friend were watching
that's the worse part
i don't dare cry.
well i told myself
if i could endure the muscle cramps every month
why can't i endure the two ant bites?
the first one done
and when the second needle poked through
i can feel my tears welling up
after the needle finally left my arm
i cried
i thought it was because i still can't get over my phobia
but then somebody told me
it's because i was relieved after hours of tension and nervous
yeah i guess so.
i didn't check my twitter for two days
when i did yesterday night
i was shocked and surprised!
shengyang kaicheng germaine yuxuan and nazurah
tweeted me to ask me whether i'm okay
really appreciate that guys
this really make me feel way better
after that unbearable pain i got recently
[if you know ar]
really THANK YOU GUYS!
LOVE YA <3
the reward is that i can skip school.
but the price to pay is way too heavy.
well i had get over it.
i had two weeks of mental preparation
just as i thought i was fully prepared
no more fear
but when the nurse asked me to sit on that particular seat
all my fear and worry came out again.
my aunt and her friend were watching
that's the worse part
i don't dare cry.
well i told myself
if i could endure the muscle cramps every month
why can't i endure the two ant bites?
the first one done
and when the second needle poked through
i can feel my tears welling up
after the needle finally left my arm
i cried
i thought it was because i still can't get over my phobia
but then somebody told me
it's because i was relieved after hours of tension and nervous
yeah i guess so.
i didn't check my twitter for two days
when i did yesterday night
i was shocked and surprised!
shengyang kaicheng germaine yuxuan and nazurah
tweeted me to ask me whether i'm okay
really appreciate that guys
this really make me feel way better
after that unbearable pain i got recently
[if you know ar]
really THANK YOU GUYS!
LOVE YA <3
06 March 2013
special mention to ShengYang
yes if you are reading
you didn't read wrongly
there is actually nothing much about this topic
it's just because you mentioned me in your blog
that's why
then i just describe you
shy and quiet at the outside
rebellious and funny in the inside?
haha
something like that lar
you don't really know how to comfort a person
but you try hard because they are your friends
so next time i feel sad or what
i talk to you can?
kinda friendly
out going maybe
it's really a fun time talking to you
oh yeah
i like your flexible timing
cause' sometimes you company me in the school
so i no need to waste my time
waiting for my mother alone
when i can talk to somebody
and then there's is something fishy going on btw you and Angel
no lar.
don't get excited. i'm just kidding.
really nice knowing you
and yeah... =)
you didn't read wrongly
there is actually nothing much about this topic
it's just because you mentioned me in your blog
that's why
then i just describe you
shy and quiet at the outside
rebellious and funny in the inside?
haha
something like that lar
you don't really know how to comfort a person
but you try hard because they are your friends
so next time i feel sad or what
i talk to you can?
kinda friendly
out going maybe
it's really a fun time talking to you
oh yeah
i like your flexible timing
cause' sometimes you company me in the school
so i no need to waste my time
waiting for my mother alone
when i can talk to somebody
and then there's is something fishy going on btw you and Angel
no lar.
don't get excited. i'm just kidding.
really nice knowing you
and yeah... =)
common test 1
the singing competition finally come back after four years.
Campus SuperStar
there's one thing that attracted me especially
was that my friend's friend joining
so yeah
kinda proud cause she's malaysian
and she's my... friend's friend?
haha retard.
oh well.
today i got back my last paper of common test 1
finally got an A2 for my english
like a surprisingly result.
but then i don't think i deserve the mark
because after i read my essay again today
i think it doesn't make sense at all
so yeah.
i told my mum and she said
"so you have to write an essay that you don't understand
then the marker will understand what you're writing"
i was like =.=
this really don't make sense.
for the common test
i think my results are okay
but i'm not satisfied
because they didn't reach my standard
well
i was disappointed at myself for a while
and i'm me again!
after attending the study skills workshop
i think that after all
i don't really care about my results.
if it's not because of the effort and money invested in me
and the competitive genes in me
i might be more playful than the guys in my class
haha that will be scary
nobody ever understand why i have to be the best
they thought i want to show how smart i am
trust me
you're wrong if you have the thought
because i'm really not
and by thinking of me like this
you really don't understand me at all
do you?
Campus SuperStar
there's one thing that attracted me especially
was that my friend's friend joining
so yeah
kinda proud cause she's malaysian
and she's my... friend's friend?
haha retard.
oh well.
today i got back my last paper of common test 1
finally got an A2 for my english
like a surprisingly result.
but then i don't think i deserve the mark
because after i read my essay again today
i think it doesn't make sense at all
so yeah.
i told my mum and she said
"so you have to write an essay that you don't understand
then the marker will understand what you're writing"
i was like =.=
this really don't make sense.
for the common test
i think my results are okay
but i'm not satisfied
because they didn't reach my standard
well
i was disappointed at myself for a while
and i'm me again!
after attending the study skills workshop
i think that after all
i don't really care about my results.
if it's not because of the effort and money invested in me
and the competitive genes in me
i might be more playful than the guys in my class
haha that will be scary
nobody ever understand why i have to be the best
they thought i want to show how smart i am
trust me
you're wrong if you have the thought
because i'm really not
and by thinking of me like this
you really don't understand me at all
do you?
05 March 2013
my new, weird goal
since ShengYang wrote a post
i shall write one too
even though i don't have time
this will be a short one.
recently i have this thought of
having my own family.
yes.
MY OWN FAMILY.
GET MARRIED.
but then
i realized i'm still young and immature
to be a wife, daughter-in-law, mother
the responsible in damn heavy
i have lots and lots to learn.
really need to change myself now
i'm going to be a mother
so i need to on my own
not depending on others
as if they are gonna be my child's mother
i know this is really weird
people has been telling me
this is not good
i will regret it
but no,
this is what i want
i believe i will be more happy
to live with somebody that love me
and are willing to be committed
like how i do
not waiting me to take the initiative everytime
so yeah.
a goal that will be achieve in 7 years?
maybe 8-9 years?
that will be the latest i can go.
i shall write one too
even though i don't have time
this will be a short one.
recently i have this thought of
having my own family.
yes.
MY OWN FAMILY.
GET MARRIED.
but then
i realized i'm still young and immature
to be a wife, daughter-in-law, mother
the responsible in damn heavy
i have lots and lots to learn.
really need to change myself now
i'm going to be a mother
so i need to on my own
not depending on others
as if they are gonna be my child's mother
i know this is really weird
people has been telling me
this is not good
i will regret it
but no,
this is what i want
i believe i will be more happy
to live with somebody that love me
and are willing to be committed
like how i do
not waiting me to take the initiative everytime
so yeah.
a goal that will be achieve in 7 years?
maybe 8-9 years?
that will be the latest i can go.
everything seems wrong..
i have really really a lot of things to post here.
but i seriously
lack of time.
wish i had 34 hrs a day.
maybe i would use it better.
1st
i just can't bring myself up
when i see her
it's no longer the same
i really trusted like nobody else
and she take it so easily
that i wonder how much my trust worth
2nd
i attended a study skills workshop yesterday
it was fun
i get to know myself better
i know how to deal with my stupid self
think so...
i just try to gain more confidence
i mean character wise...
3rd
there are really other things i want to elaborate on
many topic that i had ponder over the days.
really think over it...
hope i have the time then...
but i seriously
lack of time.
wish i had 34 hrs a day.
maybe i would use it better.
1st
i just can't bring myself up
when i see her
it's no longer the same
i really trusted like nobody else
and she take it so easily
that i wonder how much my trust worth
2nd
i attended a study skills workshop yesterday
it was fun
i get to know myself better
i know how to deal with my stupid self
think so...
i just try to gain more confidence
i mean character wise...
3rd
there are really other things i want to elaborate on
many topic that i had ponder over the days.
really think over it...
hope i have the time then...
03 March 2013
stop your nonsense.
What is common sense?
What is stereotype?
Are there difference?
Who said all girls like pink?
Until now, I still wish to live in my blue dreamland
I don’t like pink since young.
I want my belongings to be all blue.
It’s my way to show people my obsess over blue
Well, how is common sense used?
Does everyone have the same mindset?
Does everyone have the same characteristics?
No.
Then how can you use common sense as an excuse?
Not everyone are well-equipped with general knowledge,
Don’t simply say scold people cause you know more.
Don’t expect people to know everything that you know
Yes. I need to learn.
But don’t criticize people’s bias and the things they like!
How would you feel if I despise the things that you like?
Just because you have people support
So you can speak whatever you want and you said you don’t care when you’re
despised?
No. things doesn’t goes this way either.
Mostly I will ignore.
Cause’ I don’t care too.
You don’t like it? Your problem.
Don’t impose you ideas on others and get angry when they don’t agree to
it.
Seriously.
Common sense is not a reason to scold people
Or to vent out your anger,
continuous pain.
I’m still in pain.
Everywhere.
I didn’t know the disappointment this time will bring me this state.
I used to cry my heart out
And everything will be over last time
But this time.
A “close” friend of me
Ignored my trust for her.
Well, I’d made a fool out of myself.
Who can I blame other than myself?
I’m proud of myself for having a ‘wonderful’ friend at first
So proud huh?
Can’t deny that this friend of mine is really nice
But somehow we are not suitable for each other
I think my temper in okay
In terms of tolerating
I don’t have a ability to scold back
Can’t I even have the freedom and rights to complain?
Why can’t you think that I’m crying out to you?
I don’t expect you to help me
I don’t expect you will help me either.
You just push me outside your door.
Whatever.
We will still be friends.
It’s just that I don’t know how to be as enthusiastic as I used to be
when I see you
It’s not that I don’t want.
It’s because I forgot how to.
01 March 2013
about me..
basically this just a post about me
i really love blue
i like to eat
i like to sleep too but no chance
i don't like to do housework
i'm active but i'm lazy
i hate bugs
no matter what kind of bugs
it's just seems disgusting to me
i'm really quiet in front of unfamiliar people
i'm quite friendly in front of friends
i'm totally mad in front of close or best friends
i'm emotional
i think negative straight away when things happened
damn stubborn
it's quite hard to advice or persuade me when i'm not in the mood
i like it when people care about me
i'm like kinda lack of love from friends due to reasons
especially when boys do that
i'm clearly understand that it's purely care
but i can't control
ps: if somebody read this, don't worry. i'm not a primary school girl
i may act immature
but i can assure you my thinking is mature
being too mature doesn't bring me anywhere
well being too childish bring me nowhere too
but i like when i had fun with my friends
if i don't create memory now
then wait till i die?
i'm competitive
i can accept people stronger than me
but i can't tolerate me weaker than others
if there is no 'rival'
i will slack in class
my face...hmmm...
i'm born naturally fierce?
actually sometimes i got scared by myself too
for being so scary
so can't blame people for being scared of me
my character...
i'm easily jealous
i cry easily
i can keep things in for a long time
then i will explode like a volcano
take the initiative to talk to me.
trust me
it will better than those i took the initiative to talk to
i might be irritating sometimes
but at least i don't fake
i only put on an armor when i don't like you
i'm really true to almost everyone
which gives me disappointment in return
i can cry and cry and cry
okay. a crybaby.
that's the way i vent my stress or anger
not showing that i'm weak
i don't tell people their fault
as in criticise them
but i felt awful inside
i complained to myself and cry with myself
i tried to be straight forward
but it's really hard
i think it will hurt other people
purely because i have been hurt countless times.
currently i can't think of anymore
if i remember anything, i will edit and add on^^
i really love blue
i like to eat
i like to sleep too but no chance
i don't like to do housework
i'm active but i'm lazy
i hate bugs
no matter what kind of bugs
it's just seems disgusting to me
i'm really quiet in front of unfamiliar people
i'm quite friendly in front of friends
i'm totally mad in front of close or best friends
i'm emotional
i think negative straight away when things happened
damn stubborn
it's quite hard to advice or persuade me when i'm not in the mood
i like it when people care about me
i'm like kinda lack of love from friends due to reasons
especially when boys do that
i'm clearly understand that it's purely care
but i can't control
ps: if somebody read this, don't worry. i'm not a primary school girl
i may act immature
but i can assure you my thinking is mature
being too mature doesn't bring me anywhere
well being too childish bring me nowhere too
but i like when i had fun with my friends
if i don't create memory now
then wait till i die?
i'm competitive
i can accept people stronger than me
but i can't tolerate me weaker than others
if there is no 'rival'
i will slack in class
my face...hmmm...
i'm born naturally fierce?
actually sometimes i got scared by myself too
for being so scary
so can't blame people for being scared of me
my character...
i'm easily jealous
i cry easily
i can keep things in for a long time
then i will explode like a volcano
take the initiative to talk to me.
trust me
it will better than those i took the initiative to talk to
i might be irritating sometimes
but at least i don't fake
i only put on an armor when i don't like you
i'm really true to almost everyone
which gives me disappointment in return
i can cry and cry and cry
okay. a crybaby.
that's the way i vent my stress or anger
not showing that i'm weak
i don't tell people their fault
as in criticise them
but i felt awful inside
i complained to myself and cry with myself
i tried to be straight forward
but it's really hard
i think it will hurt other people
purely because i have been hurt countless times.
currently i can't think of anymore
if i remember anything, i will edit and add on^^
gastric...
i really never expect myself to get gastric.
until today only i realise the symptoms i always get isn't bloated stomach
it's because i got gastric and i starve for quite a long time.
for a person like me
not eating for nearly 20 hours is really a lot.
usually not eating for three hours
is already like dying for food.
but this time.
20 hours. no kidding.
i didn't do this purposely.
i'm really a person that will eat no matter what.
happy, sad. angry, excited.
but this time.
i'm really disappointed that i starved myself.
when i tweet germaine that i'm gonna starve myself.
in my brain, i told myself
"what? i must be kidding!"
but in my heart, it said
"yes. i'm really hurt. i don't have enough energy to digest any food. so don't eat"
yeah. that's why happened.
i really took care of our relationship.
and this is all i get.
heart pain.
uncountable tears.
gastric that follow me forever.
i don't even dare to tell my mum.
i know she will be worry about me.
she had trusted me on my diet.
i don't want to let her down.
just pretend that i eat something wrong.
i think it's also due to the damn heavy pressure.
i know it's o-level.
well what to do?
now i can't be on diet by starving.
that what's i used to do.
but i didn't hurt myself.
yeah.
i guess this is what i get for being 'stubborn' for a one way relationship.
until today only i realise the symptoms i always get isn't bloated stomach
it's because i got gastric and i starve for quite a long time.
for a person like me
not eating for nearly 20 hours is really a lot.
usually not eating for three hours
is already like dying for food.
but this time.
20 hours. no kidding.
i didn't do this purposely.
i'm really a person that will eat no matter what.
happy, sad. angry, excited.
but this time.
i'm really disappointed that i starved myself.
when i tweet germaine that i'm gonna starve myself.
in my brain, i told myself
"what? i must be kidding!"
but in my heart, it said
"yes. i'm really hurt. i don't have enough energy to digest any food. so don't eat"
yeah. that's why happened.
i really took care of our relationship.
and this is all i get.
heart pain.
uncountable tears.
gastric that follow me forever.
i don't even dare to tell my mum.
i know she will be worry about me.
she had trusted me on my diet.
i don't want to let her down.
just pretend that i eat something wrong.
i think it's also due to the damn heavy pressure.
i know it's o-level.
well what to do?
now i can't be on diet by starving.
that what's i used to do.
but i didn't hurt myself.
yeah.
i guess this is what i get for being 'stubborn' for a one way relationship.
28 February 2013
Betrayers!
what's wrong with people nowadays?
do they seriously take "betray people" as a hobby?
is it me or them?
why everytime i put off my guard to trust somebody
they must hurt me?
it's really pain.
i took the effort to understand you.
i took the effort to get closer to you.
i took the effort to be true to you.
i took the effort to trust you.
and this is all the shit you gave me?!
oh stop it.
"i don't really care or give a shit"
i won't say this.
cause' i really care.
isn't this unfair?
i'm here trying my best to improve and maintain the relationship
and you all just throw everything down
and leave for popularity and fame.
yes. i can't give you that
but you left me because of that shitty popularity that brings you nowhere?
i'm really hurt.
who knows i cry myself to sleep every single night?
who understand my pain every time you left me alone?
who cares for me when i face unfamiliar situation alone?
"nobody care about me too"
you don't give me this shit.
think you can console me by saying that?
NO.
i'm a 18 this year.
acting immature doesn't mean i don't know anything.
yes. i am a childish girl ever in the world.
i ignore every teasing you all gave me.
i faced every rumours you all created out of nowhere.
i swallow my pain and cried every night alone.
asked me to trust you and what shit did you gave me?
you broke my heart.
yes.
i am damn disappointed in you all.
just stop the nonsense.
don't act like you really care about anything.
do they seriously take "betray people" as a hobby?
is it me or them?
why everytime i put off my guard to trust somebody
they must hurt me?
it's really pain.
i took the effort to understand you.
i took the effort to get closer to you.
i took the effort to be true to you.
i took the effort to trust you.
and this is all the shit you gave me?!
oh stop it.
"i don't really care or give a shit"
i won't say this.
cause' i really care.
isn't this unfair?
i'm here trying my best to improve and maintain the relationship
and you all just throw everything down
and leave for popularity and fame.
yes. i can't give you that
but you left me because of that shitty popularity that brings you nowhere?
i'm really hurt.
who knows i cry myself to sleep every single night?
who understand my pain every time you left me alone?
who cares for me when i face unfamiliar situation alone?
"nobody care about me too"
you don't give me this shit.
think you can console me by saying that?
NO.
i'm a 18 this year.
acting immature doesn't mean i don't know anything.
yes. i am a childish girl ever in the world.
i ignore every teasing you all gave me.
i faced every rumours you all created out of nowhere.
i swallow my pain and cried every night alone.
asked me to trust you and what shit did you gave me?
you broke my heart.
yes.
i am damn disappointed in you all.
just stop the nonsense.
don't act like you really care about anything.
27 February 2013
what more can i do?
i have been talking to ShengYang non-stop starting this year.
i kinda miss the seating arrangement for exam last year.
the nonsense that the boys can do.
it's really hilarious SOMETIMES.
i guess girls are either damn nice or extremely bitch.
sincerity and lies.
choose one.
i don't know how to choose.
if i'm alone, the only one person to blame would be me.
i don't know how to be fake with people.
this make me like a dumb piece of shit.
i don't know how to dig my whole heart for them.
this make me look like i'm not being true.
seriously i admit that i'm not that sociable.
first, i had a natural born fierce face.
so what you want me to do?
unfair. people dislikes me because of this.
second, i had a shitty childhood.
i had change at least better than what i used to be.
unfair. people judge me because of this.
third, i'm not as pretty as them.
so am i supposed to do surgery on my face?
no. anyway, unfair. people avoid me because of that.
i tried my best... well, not the best.
at least i'm trying really hard.
no offence but guys used to be like disease to me.
now what:? i can talk, touch (decently, obviously).
what more you wanna say?
i used to be a coward.
people's impression can either make me live or die.
now what? i ignore. i faced it. i deal with it.
what more you want me to do?
just because i cried so i'm not mature?
just because i act silly so i'm not mature?
just because i trusted you so much that's what make me not mature?
oh just get over it.
betrayer one after another.
all shit.
i kinda miss the seating arrangement for exam last year.
the nonsense that the boys can do.
it's really hilarious SOMETIMES.
i guess girls are either damn nice or extremely bitch.
sincerity and lies.
choose one.
i don't know how to choose.
if i'm alone, the only one person to blame would be me.
i don't know how to be fake with people.
this make me like a dumb piece of shit.
i don't know how to dig my whole heart for them.
this make me look like i'm not being true.
seriously i admit that i'm not that sociable.
first, i had a natural born fierce face.
so what you want me to do?
unfair. people dislikes me because of this.
second, i had a shitty childhood.
i had change at least better than what i used to be.
unfair. people judge me because of this.
third, i'm not as pretty as them.
so am i supposed to do surgery on my face?
no. anyway, unfair. people avoid me because of that.
i tried my best... well, not the best.
at least i'm trying really hard.
no offence but guys used to be like disease to me.
now what:? i can talk, touch (decently, obviously).
what more you wanna say?
i used to be a coward.
people's impression can either make me live or die.
now what? i ignore. i faced it. i deal with it.
what more you want me to do?
just because i cried so i'm not mature?
just because i act silly so i'm not mature?
just because i trusted you so much that's what make me not mature?
oh just get over it.
betrayer one after another.
all shit.
long dued...
i know i haven't been here for a long time.
just feel like writing so i'm here.
it's common test this week and i'm kinda slacking.
cause' tomorrow is math.
i'm kind of confident
but i don't want to lose to anybody else again.
must make sure i get my numbers right
and CARELESS MISTAKES!
well. i cried in school today.
it's really hard for me to keep something in for a long time.
the longer the worst
it's so awful inside there
crying doesn't show that i'm weak or what.
it's just a way of me throwing away my pain and suffer.
don't expect me to shout or argue back
i don't know how to do it.
yes. i mumbled and complained about it.
but what can or what will i do after that?
kill you? hate you? make your life miserable?
nope.
every time. always. i just need a cry.
i don't care it's boy or girl beside me.
when i'm stressed out, all i need is a shoulder.
don't ask me anything cause' i will tell you if i want to.
just keep quiet and let me cry everything out.
i will be fine after that.
but.
all of that is just a dream
i hope i can do that in reality.
it's too realistic that one drop of tear can decide your life.
it's true.
it might not seem serious now.
by the time we step into the society
it's all about harming, blaming, all sorts of shit.
i should just train myself to keep everything to myself till i cannot take it.
and become mad.
just feel like writing so i'm here.
it's common test this week and i'm kinda slacking.
cause' tomorrow is math.
i'm kind of confident
but i don't want to lose to anybody else again.
must make sure i get my numbers right
and CARELESS MISTAKES!
well. i cried in school today.
it's really hard for me to keep something in for a long time.
the longer the worst
it's so awful inside there
crying doesn't show that i'm weak or what.
it's just a way of me throwing away my pain and suffer.
don't expect me to shout or argue back
i don't know how to do it.
yes. i mumbled and complained about it.
but what can or what will i do after that?
kill you? hate you? make your life miserable?
nope.
every time. always. i just need a cry.
i don't care it's boy or girl beside me.
when i'm stressed out, all i need is a shoulder.
don't ask me anything cause' i will tell you if i want to.
just keep quiet and let me cry everything out.
i will be fine after that.
but.
all of that is just a dream
i hope i can do that in reality.
it's too realistic that one drop of tear can decide your life.
it's true.
it might not seem serious now.
by the time we step into the society
it's all about harming, blaming, all sorts of shit.
i should just train myself to keep everything to myself till i cannot take it.
and become mad.
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