01 March 2013

about me..

basically this just a post about me

i really love blue
i like to eat
i like to sleep too but no chance
i don't like to do housework
i'm active but i'm lazy

i hate bugs
no matter what kind of bugs
it's just seems disgusting to me

i'm really quiet in front of unfamiliar people
i'm quite friendly in front of friends
i'm totally mad in front of close or best friends

i'm emotional
i think negative straight away when things happened
damn stubborn
it's quite hard to advice or persuade me when i'm not in the mood

i like it when people care about me
i'm like kinda lack of love from friends due to reasons
especially when boys do that
i'm clearly understand that it's purely care
but i can't control
ps: if somebody read this, don't worry. i'm not a primary school girl

i may act immature
but i can assure you my thinking is mature
being too mature doesn't bring me anywhere
well being too childish bring me nowhere too
but i like when i had fun with my friends
if i don't create memory now
then wait till i die?

i'm competitive
i can accept people stronger than me
but i can't tolerate me weaker than others
if there is no 'rival'
i will slack in class

my face...hmmm...
i'm born naturally fierce?
actually sometimes i got scared by myself too
for being so scary
so can't blame people for being scared of me
my character...
i'm easily jealous
i cry easily
i can keep things in for a long time
then i will explode like a volcano

take the initiative to talk to me.
trust me
it will better than those i took the initiative to talk to
i might be irritating sometimes
but at least i don't fake

i only put on an armor when i don't like you
i'm really true to almost everyone
which gives me disappointment in return

i can cry and cry and cry
okay. a crybaby.
that's the way i vent my stress or anger
not showing that i'm weak
i don't tell people their fault
as in criticise them
but i felt awful inside
i complained to myself and cry with myself

i tried to be straight forward
but it's really hard
i think it will hurt other people
purely because i have been hurt countless times.

currently i can't think of anymore
if i remember anything, i will edit and add on^^

gastric...

i really never expect myself to get gastric.
until today only i realise the symptoms i always get isn't bloated stomach
it's because i got gastric and i starve for quite a long time.

for a person like me
not eating for nearly 20 hours is really a lot.
usually not eating for three hours
is already like dying for food.
but this time.
20 hours. no kidding.

i didn't do this purposely.
i'm really a person that will eat no matter what.
happy, sad. angry, excited.

but this time.
i'm really disappointed that i starved myself.
when i tweet germaine that i'm gonna starve myself.
in my brain, i told myself
"what? i must be kidding!"
but in my heart, it said
"yes. i'm really hurt. i don't have enough energy to digest any food. so don't eat"

yeah. that's why happened.
i really took care of our relationship.
and this is all i get.
heart pain.
uncountable tears.
gastric that follow me forever.

i don't even dare to tell my mum.
i know she will be worry about me.
she had trusted me on my diet.
i don't want to let her down.
just pretend that i eat something wrong.

i think it's also due to the damn heavy pressure.
i know it's o-level.
well what to do?

now i can't be on diet by starving.
that what's i used to do.
but i didn't hurt myself.

yeah.
i guess this is what i get for being 'stubborn' for a one way relationship.