not worth it...

i really wanna be involved!!!!!

even though i said

i don't care

but i want.

just include me in your activity

so difficult?

so leaving me out is easier than include me.

it's been so long since we gather together

talk

chat

eat

have fun

play around

it's been so long since we plan things seriously together

draw

write

give idea

this isn't what i want.

are you all going to change?

or i'm the only one changing..

i don't want...

how many times

i had woke up and found tears over my cheeks..

how many times

i had dream that you all really ignore me and leave me all alone..

how many times

i had recall all the fun time we had and cry and cry and cry..

it's countless time...

countless.

执着

这叫执着

在大家都放手之后

还赖着不走

就叫执着

真的

大家都没有消息了

都没有联络了

就剩我

在这里

一直记

一直记

好像会有人来看这样...

当初的承诺

记得吗？

当初的玩闹

记得吗？

当初的争吵

记得吗？

当初的不舍。。。

记得吗？

我都还记得..

你们呢?

didn't go for PAG.

yes.

due to study and family pressure

i didn't go for my first and only PAG camp.

maybe i can still go for next year..

the year after..

or two years after..

but what has past is past.

what has been done has been done.

what should be remember is remembered.

what i missed..

is all missed.

yeah.

it will still be a PAG camp

WHEN i go for one

but different people.

different mood.

different topic.

different fun.

different process.

different memories.

the most important thing

when i'm involve in anything.

the MEMORIES

the helping part.

the planning part

the having fun part.

the crazy-ing part.

the crying part.

the taking care part.

the actual part.

the good-bye part.

this is all i want from you all.

is this that difficult??

to give me a nice and memorable

memory

even though it will be imperfect??

can't you do that?

getting complicated.

i don't understand.

i don't know.

i'm confused.

totally.

me and my sister are getting more complicating.

and i really don't know what to do.

i love her?

i hate her?

no feeling?

both?

yes

i love her.

cause she's my one and only sister.

if anything happens.

i will surely help her

or depend on her.

but she is irritating me a lot.

it is very obvious that my mother is super bias

TOWARDS her.

i'm tired of complaining.

i'm sick of quarreling.

i'm dying from cold warS.

now what?

just because she sweep and mop the floor for like once a month

sometimes even two month

and it's a big deal??

you have to purposely tell me that

"she had done a lot today.

the rest are all yours"

when i helped in cooking every week?

what happened when i'd mop the floor once two weeks

and hope to hear your praises

even if it's just one sentences?

yeah

you did said something

"this is what you should be doing."

i'm completely hurt.

i know you had done it ten over years.

and i know you are continuing for the rest of your life.

but is this fair?

just because i am FOUR years elder??

let me tell you

stop treating me like this

i know you like her.

i know you will be hurt if i tell you this again.

but

won't i get hurt?

from not telling you that

and keep on doing all those??